Impressing the Whites

The New International Slavery

A sensation and brief Indian bestseller, Impressing the Whites has resonated with both nonwhite and white readers for its part-comic Fourteen Commandments of Indian and Nonwhite Male Success, Booker Prize tips, and soulful analysis of ethnic shame, spiritual colonialism, and how to answer your son when he asks you if he is black. This latest edition also discusses Barack Obama and the White Tiger.

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“You just need to be white to win!” declared a now-famous Thai television commercial for whitening cream. For one-hundredth of the price of a year’s supply of whitening cream, Impressing the Whites explains how to be White Inside, deep inside, and thus to win far bigger and in many different fields such as literature, politics, and international business. From its irreverent comments on His Sacred Mooship, Salman Rushdie, to the phenomenon of the Occidental Cow with a billion bursting teats (“We Indians are practiced milkers!”), this controversial book is as much entertainment as it is a satire-cum-analysis of East-West, white-brown-black relations.

Though using comic exaggeration, like a Chris Rock or Dave Chappelle race routine, the book is also a passionately sincere attempt to understand and analyze the underlying forces between how nonwhites and whites behave towards each other.

The book also satirically proposes the Fourteen Commandments of Nonwhite Male Success and such phenomena as Salman Rushdie and Arundhati Roy becoming the Spokespersons for 1.2 billion Indians.

While mostly remaining faithful to the classic original, this edition has a few added chapters, including one on the Aravind Adiga Booker Prize and Barack Obama.

“A brilliant and sparkling writer.” – The Hindu

“The reader laughs, squirms, recognizes his/her own hypocrisy and the blatant absurdity of most unquestioned social conventions. In this, Crasta succeeds [in ways that] Chris Rock race routines succeed, i.e., brilliantly. Zany exuberance . . . mischievous pleasure.” – Frank Feldman

“Controversial, eloquent . . . Boldly goes where no man has gone before.” – Asian Age, New Delhi (Book Pick of the Week)

“This book is so much real and well worth the time. Writers like Richard Crasta should be celebrated for raising levels of understanding of human struggles, colonialism, foreign lands, and boldness of spirit.” Joyce